The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy
by Kaki-kun
Summary: The emanating light slowing faded, a whisp of ramen scent filled the room as a cloud appeared engulfing the microwave, a horribly stunned and coughing Nekkyou could be seen through the opacity of it. Shuju’s eyes narrowed as she took a step forward, barel
1. Chapter 1

**The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy  
By: Kaki-kun**

* * *

_The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy_ is to be explained in explicit detail as to the whereabouts of the makers. Off of Route 90, down into Maryland's fast heartbeat is a small city, and within that small city is an even less significant place called Mt. Hebron, where the story shall begin. But first, a note.

_The Inquiry_ as to be put by translators: "is a stupid little nonsensical question, invented millions of years ago when the primate ancestors wandered from their caves to find a giant streak of fire blazing in the sky, ultimately bringing their deaths even though the concept remained. _A Question _that every man, women, meerkat, koala bear, newt, emu, platapus, bass and other living creatures, may it have shinobi origins or animal instincts as to kill for the mere pleasure that the sight of blood and gore brings, knows that _The Question_ is inevitably never answered."

"_It_ is spelled out in three neat words, not two, for the effect would be lost in the transition of the air. _The Question_ can be yelled, screamed, spoken, whispered, snickered, and even thought without any hints as to why or how because everyone knows _The Question_ and everyone knows that _The Answer_ is just as opaque as _The Reason_."

"_The Query_ is so amazingly versatile, _It_ is said to have become the single smallest and most commonly used words in history. So stunning in fact that an entire series of production including best selling books, box-office breaking movies, and awards given all on accounts of using these simple words presented in _The Question_."

"Theories have even arisen to accept the vision of _The Original Question_ as claimed the supreme man-made wonder, the explanation of no account for supernatural events, and worthy of the Nobel Prize. The vast amounts of chains of words, of questions, that branch from _This Omega Query_ is more infinite than space and numbers reaches as it spreads out further than to, at the very least, the second power greater."

"_The Question _is something special as to satisfy the pessimistic and optimistic audiences with something that was looking at the cup half empty, half full, AND the possibilities of bottling it, selling it, dumping it, drinking it, spilling it, sipping it, leaving it, tipping it, sprinkling it, inserting thing in it, and fishing in it."

Nonetheless, the cup was never stated to obtain ramen in it as its contents but _The Question_ and _It's_ interpreters had no sympathy nor any real knowledge of facts.  
But besides _The Question_, some generalized things do have answers.  
Like what is _It_?

What.

The.

Hell.

_The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy_ has been claimed to never utter _The Statement_ past the expiration date.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy  
By: Kaki-kun**

And now, on to the matter at hand.

"God, it's been forever since we've met up like this," Nekkyou chirped while watching the flashing screen, two others stomping the ground in cue to the music.

Kohaku, Nekkyou, Shuju, Kage, and Rikou had been friends for four years but, within the more recent years, school and clubs and flags had slowly been unraveling their bond. Thankfully, Shuju and Nekkyou had been able to pull off a sleepover at Kohaku's house, alone from boyfriends, flaggies, and, above all, parents. Kage squirmed while sitting behind Rikou as she played DDR against Kohaku, Shuju leaned against the back wall in the corner of the room in front of the stairs reading fanfiction. Kage paused and turned to Nekkyou next to her on the couch.

"Hey, Nekkyou, can you get me some ramen?"

And lo and behold, the ultimate quest had rung out from the mind and into the air where god hath struck it with uncanny fate.

If you just so happen to fancy any of that crap.

"Sure," Nekkyou shrugged and stood, casually making her way past Shuju and up the stairs.

Now some things should be explained that have a lot more probability of making sense than _The Ultimate Question_. Nekkyou could be described as many things: sadistic, masochist, psycho. She was a brunette 16 year-old with blonde highlights; originally born in what used to be nowhere, FL until the population grew after she left, something she find to not be mere coincidence, she enjoys being evil or insane and drawing or writing for the most part. Her psychotic family, in more than a few ways, had taught her the art of crude humor, a vicious manipulation that—well.

Personally, ramen wasn't her cup of tea; to be more specific, not many even find ramen to be 'a cup of tea'- hence it's entirely different title. But, nonetheless, she had the loyalty and compulsion to protect and aide her friends from everyone and anyone.

Excluding herself.

Another thing was she had a nasty habit of learning things the hard way. Preparing ramen, apparently, was one of those things.

Not that this incident ever changes anything about her. She enjoys being static as much as she enjoys 'mega ultra uber omega thunderstorms from HELL!—literally speaking.'

"Ramen packets, ramen packets… where the hell would I find them?" She grumbled while throwing open various cabinet doors in the kitchen. "Aha!" Nekkyou pulled out the beauty of unholy, unhealthy goodness of recycled brown paper packaging to briefly scan over the instructions, conveniently overlooking red printed letters spelling out the words:

"**WARNING! DO NOT PUNCTURE OR OPEN THIS PACKET!"**

"Ack, forget boiling water," She growled while running water from the sink into a glass and ripping open the said contents.

**_F r e e d o m!_**

"Eep," She yelped while immediately dropping the package and backing away 5 feet. A bright light dispersed, slowly filling the room and shining downstairs in the basement.

On a secondary and slightly irrelative note, Kage was one of the 'quite unique' person who would ask someone for something, even though she fully understood that they had absolutely no idea what they were doing and in someone else's house. The author of _The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy_ fully realizes that it is a bit late to mention.

Not that the author cares.

"What is Nekkyou doing up there," Shuju raised an eyebrow while glancing up from the papers in front of her.

And now for something on Shuju.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy  
By: Kaki-kun**

"_What is Nekkyou doing up there," Shuju raised an eyebrow while glancing up from the papers in front of her._

_And now for something on Shuju. _

* * *

Serious, concocting, soft spoken yet carries a big stick… which works well to whack people on the head with. She was born the youngest of a large family of nine and moved to various different places, many more than her friends; places such as Washington state, Arizona, Korea, and even France. Mostly anti social but quite friendly in person, Shuju also enjoys the pleasure that is insanity, evil, writing and art. Her major difference from her 'people', as some would put it, could be found in her stature: literally. Not long ago, they called her Chibi Chibi Chan, or CC Chan as Kage would say it, and Chiber (Kehi-berr) as Nekkyou would put it.

Something that none of the five friends have ever considered debating or revolting against was her general "smarts". Because common sense these days isn't that common.

Not that observing a bright, white, blinding light from under the door was a good example of common sense.

"Only Neko-chan would find a way to blow up the house with a microwave," She muttered while setting the papers down next to the chibi Hiei keychain that Nekkyou gave her and making her way up the stairs. Kohaku twitched, her foot pausing mid-way of the dance move and landing entirely on Rikou's foot on the other DDR mat.

"She WHAT?" Rikou tripped over and landed roughly on her rump while whinning.

"Ow!"

"Not the ramen!" Kage gasped in horror before turning back to Rikou and blinking at her. "What happened? Are you alright?" Rikou sighed as Kohaku turned back to her to extend an apologetic hand.

"I'm fine, go check your kitchen…" Kohaku nodded and made a mad dash up the stairs to find…

Kohaku was a loner in her family of annoying, obnoxious, and totally unfair beings of mass organs called people. Thankfully, for her, for her friends, and for the rest of the world, she didn't fall under their category. The matter that the so called family was broken up also didn't help it any. Though she enjoyed drawing characters of anime greatly, she never had the time to take up the normal arts and went incognito as the secret mysterious Mad Flag Ninja, who ran screaming through the hallways waving a flag like no other man has ever seen.

Well, the running and screaming part may not be entirely true, but Kohaku could certainly toss that "bad boy" on your head. (Note: These series of words connecting the adjective "bad" and the male offspring of "boy" will never ever appear anywhere in that sequence or series or manner ever again. Ever.)

She was a bit more discrete for a ninja than that, after all. If she ran screaming through the hallways, what if she tripped? The people at Hebron would certainly see her then. Being so careful as not appear her face anywhere within noticeable vicinity was more than a hobby. It was a passion.

Like being on the flag team.

But that's just to make you think she likes the school even when she's grumbling about too much irritating homework. And the preps. And the teachers.

And a discovery was made in the presence of Kohaku that ultimately lead to the end of the history as we know it; mostly because the discovery was made in history class and that the teacher was cool for not caring that she could care less about the subject. The discovery was thus.

_The Inquiry_ was a fascinating subject.

And that "_The Inquisition_ was so thorough that Protestantism never took hold in Spain."

Thank you. No, the author will not explain for your understanding. It is redundant and uncalled for.

Also, nothing of the above is to be held accountable as vital or worthy information about character constuctivity (Yes, it is not a word, but behold, it is imagination in the finest art of mouth).

You never saw this classified information.

"…What was that about," Kohaku raised a questioning eyebrow to Nekkyou. She shrugged and pointed at the 10 or so paragraphs before it.

"You were about to find out the result of my lack of instruction, a dangerous packet of ramen, and your microwave have done to your kitchen?"

"Oh. Right."

"NEKKYOU!" Kohaku hollered while busting down the door and nearly toppling over Shuju for not seeing her. Or more not knowing she was behind the door. Yes, it is a bad short person joke, sue me.

The emanating light slowing faded, a whisp of ramen scent filled the room as a cloud appeared engulfing the microwave, a horribly stunned and coughing Nekkyou could be seen through the opacity of it. Shuju's eyes narrowed as she took a step forward, barely able to make out what seemed to be a figure of some sort, yes, even smaller than herself.

And it was floating in the air.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy**

**By: Kaki-kun**

Nekkoyou shook her head.

"Four is such a horrible number. My mom likes it because "it looks like Jesus on the cross is waving" and it's the number of stars on Goku's favorite dragonball. I hate it. I simply hate it. And I refuse to budge until this chapter is no more."

"Like the parrot," Shuju smirked.

"Yes," Nekkyou grinned and threw on a layer of British in her voice. "This parrot is NO MORE! It is deceased, it is no longer living! This parrot is DEAD!"

The author of _The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy _would like to state that she does not own Naruto or Monty Python. As if this wasn't already apparent.

And that this chapter will be moved as chapter five because of the stated reason above.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Inquiry of the Ramen Cup Fairy  
By: Kaki-kun**

"_Nekkyou!" Kohaku hollered while busting down the door and nearly toppling over Shuju for not seeing her. Or more not knowing she was behind the door. Yes, it's a bad short person joke, sue me._

_The emanating light slowly faded, a wisp of ramen scent filled the room as a cloud appeared engulfing the microwave, a horribly stunned and coughing Nekkyou could be seen through the opacity of it. Shuju's eyes narrowed as she took a step forward, barely able to make out what seemed to be a figure of some sort, yes, even smaller than herself._

_And it was floating in the air._

A note is required regarding the third chapter. The statement, not to be confused with _The Statement_, is such that there was, in fact, no importance of the microwave being engulfed in smoke. If anything wasn't exactly impartial to dried ramen bits erupting into the air, it would have been the toaster. How do think the toaster felt, huh? Lo, here it was, off to the side of the room, lonely, minding it's own business as the other appliances flocked in envy of the microwave being mentioned, and, suddenly, the ramen! The ramen smoke snuffed every last one of them out, shorting out their panels, nothing remained in its fearful wake.

What was the fate of the toaster, the only survivor of the catastrophe for not being a social firefly? Weak circuits and ramen-flavored bread. The sheer injustice of it all.

Toasters deserve more respect. Stop abusing them and **_Put. The. Fork. Down._** The toaster is doing it's best to satisfy you, it doesn't need to deal with the stress of you holding a fork threateningly over it. If you really want to electrocute yourself THAT BADLY, maybe you should do it by other means that wouldn't endanger a poor toaster. Think of the humanity the next time you enjoy a warm piece of toast!

End note.

---

The three gasped as the ramen bits smoke cleared, and stopped stinging their eyes…and when they stopped failing and shrieking about raining microwavable food, so yes, back to the real point, they gasped at the realization of the revealed said floating object's true identity- as the author contemplated FINALLY ending the fricking sentence. It was a small tuft of yellow hair, cute nonetheless, if you happened to overlook the tan-ish hide, hmm, what is the right word, because it really wasn't a hide because said object had to be dead and skinned to therefore produce a hide, cringe, kin, minge… oh yes, skin (Please don't ask as to how minge has anything to do with skin)! There was blonde hair as yellow as the sun, which isn't really yellow if you come to think of it because it's really just a mass of hydrogen and extremities, and skin, followed by some hard components, in which the author should really stop typing their thoughts and should mention that it was mostly bone and skull that made up the hard components, but won't, and there was an awful orange gaudy fabric encasing the little body with fuzzy –and somehow bubbling –red… tails.  
Wow, that was highly unnecessary, don't you agree?

"Awww, it looks just like Naruto!" Shuju squealed while she moved up behind Nekkyou. Blue eyes, that gradually faded to red the closer it came to his cheek below, looked up at the much taller being in front of him and frowned with confusion.

"I AM Naruto!"

More silence followed as the people in the room stared at the said proclaimed "Naruto". The tiny creature huffed while crossing his arms, glaring at the much taller people in front of him and trying to keep down the sudden fear rising up in his stomach; it was screaming and wailing and shouting and kicking about how this was all horribly wrong and where was his lawyer when he needed him? His thoughts followed as such.

'_What the hell is going on? Where am I? Why is everyone so big? Why is every-THING so big? Will I get compensation from the village for this? Is that…RAMEN?'_

And he proceeded to dive head first into the paper bag.

"RAMEN!"

Nekkyou's eye twitched as she leaned forward, snatched one of the red tails and pulled the blonde out of the ramen, dusted with unboiled ramen bits. He glanced up at her and growled, voice suddenly becoming much deeper than before, itching with Kyuubi infestation.

"Let me go!" He then paused to finally analyze the killer aura that was completely wafting off the humanoidish giant in front of him, engulfing himself in the process, and that he was, indeed, in serious danger. A lighter side of him decided to note that maybe protesting wasn't the best option he had taken.

"WHY ARE YOU NOT KAKASHI?" She yelled and proceeded to strangle his entire body in clasped hands. Shuju laughed, a high pitched eerie giggle before clearing her throat in a more 'apropos' manner. Kohaku stared and slowly inched back down the stairs. Inch by inch. By inch. By inch. And falling down on the last step, cursing the author with voodoo dolls and going back to playing DDR with Rikou.

"What happened," Rikou asked while giving Kohaku a strange look as the other put in her contacts and blinked hard to clear them up. Why she was not wearing them upstairs all depends on which loophole you decide upon (the author would like to point out that loophole #76a isn't really a loophole but merely a resort island full of flying, brain-eating pygmies).

"I don't know, nor do I want to," Kohaku replied while shaking her head, grumbling something about Naruto and Kakashi-obsessed idiots.

And it was then left be at that.

"Neko-chan seriously, stop, he's too cute to strangle," Shuju said while glaring at Nekkyou.

"B-But," Nekkyou paused to protest with tears brimming her eyes. Naruto took this time to count the stars he could see floating around his head and wonder where he had seen them before.

Oh, that's right. He saw them all the time around Sakura.  
The stars shook their head in pseudo-pity.

"He's not Kakashi!" Nekkyou sniffled.

"Duh. Neither am I, but you aren't going to strangle me, right?" Shuju stated, then immediately regretted it by frowning as Nekkyou stared at her wide-eyed with mischief. "You do and I kill you." Shuju grabbed Naruto away and eyed him over.

"Wow, such craftsmanship for a plushie… I think I'll call it Kawaii Kyu-Naru-Chibi," She squealed again while pulling on the fairy wings.

"Ow, hey, leggo--what the hell!" Naruto exclaimed and, to his utter shock, he discovered multiple things about himself that he never knew before. No, he didn't do it by looking inside himself. It's just a waste of time doing things like that, which SpongeBob (insert shudder if you must) proved to us one fateful day. It was more like the amazement of a child which just so happens to one day look down and realize that they had, in fact, those 'things' of the adults that moved around at will, but so much smaller, then coming of knowledge and learning they were dubbed 'appendages' by all of humankind.

In this sense, Naruto had nine clearly visible red tails and a pair of fairy wings to boot. And only someday through extensive research will he discover the true intentions and reasoning of why.  
Or perhaps not because life happens to be cruel like that.

"I wonder if it says anything other than a series of cuss words," Shuju questioned blandly in distaste while glaring at the figure.

---

Lack of authoritism note: Shuju is not fond of cussing which tends to be a very problematic issue to all of her friends. And anyone else who happens to swear too much. Remember boys and girls, The Big Man doesn't like sin. And it's a sin to talk like a sailor. Or be a sailor. Argggg.  
Just like doing Math in History class.

---

Shuju continued to flip Naruto over and over in her hand, which was beginning to make him dizzy, as she looked over every detail in his outfit from headband and furry tails.

"Maybe I could figure out how to make a plushie like this out of Gaara and Hiei…" Nekkyou bounced up over next to Shuju, standing uncomfortably close to the smaller friend.

"You think you could make one of Kakashi that way then?" Her eyes gleamed in a disturbing sort of way.

And then suddenly, the animator died.  
No, because then we'd all be cast into a pit of despair. Besides, the author clearly understands that she needs no animator. In fact, the author knows so well, she used this as an excuse to temporarily blind the readers with loophole #24r and therefore have the others emerge in sudden enlightenment.

"I'm sick of being patient," Kage huffed bitterly while suddenly being there in the dusted kitchen with Kohaku and Rikou. "Put down the Kakashi keychain and continue dammit!" Shuju glared at Kage for cursing. Nekkyou stuck out her tongue, to the best of her abilities, born with a tongue attached to the bottom of her mouth from the very tip. Ah, the cruelty of life. And sailor speak.

"Why should I?"

"Because I want my ramen," Kage threw her hands up in the air. "That or fries! Pick one already!" Rikou shyly glanced between the four of her bickering friends while muttering a comment about a previous note.

"So, who cares about toasters?"

"I do," Nekkyou snorted while locking her arm around Rikou's head and proceeding with a noogie.

"OW! What are you talking about, you beat your toaster with a spatula!" Nekkyou folded her arms and pouted.

"I do it out a deep sincere love in my heart!" Nekkyou insisted while putting a hand over her heart. Which happened to have a certain Kakashi keychain in it.

"You guys," Kohaku growled, irritated enough by the nonsense and of the inching and of the tripping of the stairs and of the Kakashi obsessive. ness.  
Word.

"Well, Neko-chan WAS making ramen, but then the kitchen burst into ramen bits and we found this instead."

Kage was a middle child, not to be confused with Children of the Middle, which happens to be quite a brief story about events completely unrelated to Kage's family line, so yes, she had an older brother and a younger brother who did not, apparently, compare to Kohaku's irritating lineage called family. She adores salt, and things with salt, and food because she too is often deprived of the nutritious supplements of life. Like Nekkyou and Shuju, she is also psychotic and hyper at times, although, had been able to mellow out slightly over the years and with the help of good ol' teenage angst.  
(Teenage angst is now available in a convenient plastic bottle to take with you anywhere on the road!)  
Although, unfortunately, people still do not take her seriously despite her actually acting and being serious.  
The closest to Nekkyou probably in physical standards, for some inexplicable reason, people also seem to believe they look alike despite Kage being dirty blonde and Nekkyou having brunette hair with highlights.

Come on people, get real.

She also enjoys being in flags along with hanging out with friends and goofing off in her own way.

Shuju held up the chibi Naruto, as he squirmed in an uncomfortable light that happened to surround his presence.

"Dude, get it OFF!"  
The light faded away and he snorted.  
_That's more like it!_

Kohaku, Kage, and Rikou stared at Naruto as if seeing him in a new light. One that did not involve a screen or 2D animations at all.

"DUDE, it's Naruto," Rikou observed all so splendidly.

"I guess now we can finally have the Chuunin St. Valentine's Day massacre," Kohaku said while poking Naruto to check if it was real. Yup. It was real. And then began to laugh in spontaneous evil about the ninja world FINALLY having guns which shall be blamed upon an evil demon koala bear.

And everyone stared.

Then, Shuju glanced around impedingly.

"You never saw nothing."

The author, after severe concealing sessions, has finally submitted into acknowledging that there is, in fact, no such thing as Children of the Middle.

Argggg.


End file.
